Sunday, November 07, 2004

How to get a Democrat elected

I know, everybody and their dog is re-evaluating what the loss in this election means. Everybody is second-guessing Mary Beth Cahill or planning a move to Canada. Well, I think Mary Beth did as good a job as she could have and I don't like the cold, so I'm just going to have to stick around and get some Democrats elected to high public office to try and offset the mess the Bushinistas are going to make. Step one has to be to get rid of Bob Shrum. At worst, he is a horrible consultant who doesn't understand how Democrats get elected. At best, he is a bad-luck charm. Even his concession speeches are getting worse. We'll get the Donald to call him up one night and tell him he's fired; it'll be short an painless, I promise. Step two, message discipline. This is something I know about, but Democratic consultants don't, apparently. I'm not going to go on and on about what message, because that is a question for each unique campaign. But stay on message, no matter what! If you decide early on in your campaign that the theme is Bush is incompetent, then that's all you say for the next two years. "George W. Bush's incompetence has got to go." If a reporter asks a question about Social Security, you respond "It's very important we protect Social Security from George W. Bush's incompetence. Talking Point 1, Talking Point 2 and Talking Point Three." If you get ridiculed for changing hte subject, you attack with "Why is this reporter trying to cover up George Bush's obvious incompetence. I mean Talking Point 1, Talking Point 2 and Talking Point Three." If the reporter applauds your pointing out Bush's incompetence, you respond with "Thank you for your courageous coverage of Bush's incompetence. I mean Talking Point One, Talking Point Two and Talking Point Three." How hard is that? And if you've repeated it so often that your campaign volunteers literally puke everytime they hear those talking points, then you know you have just goten started and need to repeat them more. And every Democrat anywhere near a camera needs to be repeating those exact same talking points. Don't get all creative with your own talking points; leave the creativity to the people who get paid to consult on a campaign. Step Three, attack, attack, attack. Go very negative, very early. The GOP is going to go for your balls, so you should already have theirs in a jar on your desk. Let me put it this way, lose with dignity or win with pride. I'd very much like us to win every once in a while so I can retire when I turn 65. Step Four, party infrastructure. We need boots on the ground now, four years before the next election, knocking on doors and telling people about the bad things Republicans want to do. In Ohio, the only party apparatus we had were union workers tring to get out the vote. We can't rely on the labor base anymore, especially in George W. Bush's America. We need the DNC and the DLC to start renting out office space in counties where the vote was withing a 5-point margin, and hire some young Democratic activists to start knocking on doors and making telephone calls. Step Five, rapid response. Bloggers know best. Hire bloggers to run your campaign war room so that you don't wait three days to answer an attack, you wait three seconds and your resident blogger gives real-time proof that your GOP opponent is a lying SOB who can't even get his facts straight; he's incompetent. I mean Talking Point One, Talking Point Two and Talking Point Three. You see how easy that is? This is really a short list, a prototype for a much longer article I plan to write and submit to various publications this week. So, if Im not writing here, you know I'm not slacking off.

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