Monday, November 08, 2004

The Rovinator

There were many things I did not like about this front-page profile of Karl Rove in this this weekend's Post. Chief among them is that it humanizes Rove to an astonishing degree. After reading it, you almost feel sorry for Rove and the horrible reputation he has. But then you have to remember, Karl Rove isn't human. He's actually a machine sent back from the year 2159 to assassinate the character of John Kerry so that George W. Bush could be re-elected and help move the Robot Wars ahead. even the fat on his jowels is fake. The machines read in our history books that we were in the middle of an obesity epidemic, so they made his fat to fit in and gain the trust of women ages 30-44 with cheesecake. But they didn't understand that it was a metaphorical epidemic, so he's a little too fat. You may think I'm crazy, but just wait until the Robot Wars start. I'll be safe and sound in my lead bunker where they can't find me and I'll say "I told you not to vote for Bush. But you wouldn't listen because of you 'moral values'."


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